On November 5th the New York Times Instagram uploaded a post that read: “Myth: Everyone else is having more sex than you.”
This post was DMed to me by at least 5 different people. It’s true, I always think everyone is having more sex than me. But it’s not my fault—college culture is littered with sex. The clothes are scandalous, the alcohol abundant, and the attitudes casual. Hell, even when I say hi to an acquaintance on the street, my friend has to remind me who they’re sleeping with seconds after. Movies depict college students as sex-crazed lunatics, and real life doesn’t feel too far off.
A friend from home once asked me if Yale students even had sex, or if we were “too busy theorizing about it.” I informed him that even at Yale, people were having sex. I suppose our sex lives are just much more neurotic than everyone else’s. It can be easy to have a sense of sexual FOMO these days. As you sit around the brunch table on a Saturday morning and listen to everyone else talk about who they went home with or who they’ll be avoiding eye contact with in the upcoming week, you may wonder: “is everyone else having more sex than me?”
But the New York Times said it wasn’t true! It was just a myth! According to the article, “it’s pretty typical to find that about one in three people have had no partnered sex in the prior year,” so why am I always listening to other people tell me about who they’re sleeping with? Why is it that everyone I know is somehow sleeping with each other?
I’ve conjured a theory that, perhaps, those who are having sex just want to be loud about it. What’s the fun in sleeping with your class crush unless you get to tell all your friends the next day? Having sex and talking about it is like wearing a medal around your neck after winning the race. Congrats, you’re desirable, another person thinks you’re attractive—now it’s your job to make sure everyone else knows it too.
But I think it’s okay to sit out of the race. Perhaps we should vocally be proud of sexless existences just as much as sexual ones. The truth is, those seeking will find. But if you’re not looking—be proud of that! Sit around that brunch table and tell people how you looked at someone from across the room last night but decided not to do anything about it.
So, yes, it is truly a myth that everyone else is having more sex than you—even if it doesn’t feel that way. Let the NYT remind you that “it’s important to think about sex in a holistic way,” that you’re taking care of your physical and mental well being. So get out there (or don’t) and be proud of what you choose to do (or not do). The world is yours.