Dear Potential Employers, Please give me a job. I am very handsome and also good at Microsoft Excel. If it is a
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MoreIt’s a chilly, rainy, sad Thursday morning, the kind when you forget your umbrella at home because being miserable feels right. You
MoreEverytime I step Barney-purple shower shoes-first into my entryway shower, I wish I were tits-deep in the ocean. Sometimes all we need
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MoreHey Facebook! Calling all Yale men: are you an eligible bachelor looking for the *perfect* date to first year formal? Stop looking
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MoreSo, I got this approximately 21 years ago. I asked my mom about it, and she said that it’s a family heirloom
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MoreCredit: You are T-Pain. After a long and illustrious musical career, resplendent with hits like “I’m N Luv (Wit a Stripper)” and
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MoreMillennials aren’t just any snowflakes—we are vicious snowflakes in Elsa’s tumultuous ice storm, terrorizing the economy and traditional industries until they are
MoreCredit: You’ve been a TikTok fan since the music.ly days. Since before its purpose was to help China to steal your data.
More5. Bed, Bath & Beyond Burger: Like furniture? Like food? Don’t have time to shop for both? Find it between the Yankee
MoreEvery night he invites his weird friends over to sing a cappella in Eldritch tongues that were not made for the human
MoreI don’t know what to do anymore. Every day I come home to my beautiful house, and there on the beautiful pullout
More5. The bathroom a floor below or above yours in your entryway. Nothing says diffuse the blame like never taking a shit
MoreTwenty-five feet. The training montage music from Rocky IV starts playing in my head as I think back to my preparation these past few
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MoreWe’re starting with this month, because that’s what Cosmopolitan does. So first: SCORPIO You’re like a scorpion. Kids are really scared of you. In
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