At nine we heard from him —
I told her we were gonna get it
when she said, I want to see my family,
you’re not better than me,
Was it worth it?
voice hoarse, short of breath
I fucking told you we were gonna get it
At noon I send my mother to her room
she was staring down at the tiles
I could see her chest rise
Just moments before I was crying,
blaming her like I do, like a stupid child
So I tell her how to breathe, and how many times
I tell her to breathe from her head down her spine
And at five I remember I’m the oldest daughter
I remember that my mother’s headache
means I’m making dinner
I take out seven finger bowls
I write their names; I pop out zinc and vitamin d
I will care-take you all before anything
when I go I will take you all with me
But I dropped the honey jar and it split
and the honey stopped the shatter
and the shards stuck up in amber
My mother and I got on our knees
It doesn’t matter, she said, it doesn’t matter
Now all I hear is my sister’s laughter
and the wind gone up to thirty miles an hour,
thrashing at the doors
and my blessing sister’s breath,
hallow in the darkness
Tomorrow we’re gonna wake up
and compare our throats for dryness,
for what we taste and don’t taste,
and our shoulders for their soreness
Tomorrow we’re gonna wake up
and feel his pulse, her forehead,
I’m going to take a breath
and count how long I hold it
At nine we heard from him —
I told her we were gonna get it
when she said, I want to see my family,
you’re not better than me,
Was it worth it?
voice hoarse, short of breath
I fucking told you we were gonna get it
At noon I send my mother to her room
she was staring down at the tiles
I could see her chest rise
Just moments before I was crying,
blaming her like I do, like a stupid child
So I tell her how to breathe, and how many times
I tell her to breathe from her head down her spine
And at five I remember I’m the oldest daughter
I remember that my mother’s headache
means I’m making dinner
I take out seven finger bowls
I write their names; I pop out zinc and vitamin d
I will care-take you all before anything
when I go I will take you all with me
But I dropped the honey jar and it split
and the honey stopped the shatter
and the shards stuck up in amber
My mother and I got on our knees
It doesn’t matter, she said, it doesn’t matter
Now all I hear is my sister’s laughter
and the wind gone up to thirty miles an hour,
thrashing at the doors
and my blessing sister’s breath,
hallow in the darkness
Tomorrow we’re gonna wake up
and compare our throats for dryness,
for what we taste and don’t taste,
and our shoulders for their soreness
Tomorrow we’re gonna wake up
and feel his pulse, her forehead,
I’m going to take a breath
and count how long I hold it
