Are You the Section Asshole? [Quiz]

Graphic by Robert Samec

1. You’re in a painfully small section. The TF just asked a question. It’s been a good 30 seconds of horrible silence. What do you do?

  1. Didn’t even take the time to pirate the econ textbook at the start of the semester, so instead, I unmute and share my vast knowledge on a topic we haven’t covered yet 
  2. Ask a clarifying question about some sort of class logistic and hope the TF forgets their original question
  3. The TF made me turn my camera on, so I stare shamelessly at the screen, relishing in the lack of participation
  4. I was too busy keeping up with your private chat messages. [private message]: What is the question lolll?

2. It’s lecture time, with enough students you need a passcode to get in (how *exclusive*). What do you use the chat for?

  1. To share my relevant past experiences and advice with my classmates as to better them with my vast knowledge in addition to that of the professors
  2. Emotional support carrots (“^”) to other people’s questions
  3. I don’t even know how to see the chat
  4. It’s my time to shine. Fingers at the ready. Anything remotely funny that pops in my head is going in that chat. We’ve upgraded from private chat to everyone

3. Study space of choice

  1. The Law Library: going to be here in a few years anyway
  2. Upstairs Bass
  3. Lurking somewhere in SSS like one of the rats in the Branford Dining Hall
  4. Cross Campus: I dragged the bench to the center of the grass myself 

4. You are at an intersection. Do you:

  1. Wait until right before the light changes so technically you jaywalked even though if you had waited two seconds it wouldn’t have been jaywalking because you’re a risk-taker… a 95% confidence interval kind of risk-taker
  2. Wait for the all-walk, diagonal cross opportunity
  3. Why would I leave my dorm?
  4. Run out into the street despite oncoming traffic to reach the one kid from your section who you think is kind of cute but they don’t know who the heck you are just to say hello

5. How do you raise your hand in lecture?

  1. Zoom hand
  2. Real hand
  3. I don’t 
  4. [private message]: professorrrrrr call on meeeeeeeeeee XD the answer is 14.89 mi/hr but more IMPORTANTLY how wuz ur weekend!! :p

6. If I were the professor, I would:

  1. Read aloud private chat messages, making sure to identify the messenger first or better yet, ask the student to unmute and ask their question to the class
  2. Have a set-aside time to go over chat questions, praising how good the questions are as I go along 
  3. Make some TF underling keep up with the chat 
  4. Download the chat after class and read through all the private messages between students just to stay up to date with the drama 

7. The professor is going overtime. What do you do?

  1. Raise my hand to deliver another rather drawn out but quite intelligent monologue
  2. Sit quietly hoping they will notice 
  3. I left the meeting the second class ended
  4. Revel in the fact that this shared suffering will tighten my bond with that one random junior I spend class messaging 

8. How do you carry your ID?

  1. Wallet 
  2. On the complimentary Yale lanyard 
  3. Lost that thing weeks ago. Always have to give them my SID at the dining hall 
  4. Back of my phone 

9. The best week of the academic year is:

  1. Citrus Week: I hate everyone, but I love oranges 
  2. Reading week: Just trying to make the Starr Room my permanent residence. Why isn’t Sterling a residential college? 
  3. Arrival Quarantine: it’s like hibernation. No people, long naps, and lots of snacks!
  4. “All of the break days added up as if they are one week, which they really aren’t, but if you really really really pretend like really try, then it is kind of a week?” – Marvin 

10. Dorm windows:

  1. I never close my curtain. Hope the adjacent residential college enjoys the show. Harkness isn’t the only thing that goes **ding-dong** around here.
  2. Curtain open during the day, closed at night 
  3. I brought my own high-grade blackout curtains
  4. No curtain, window open so I can eavesdrop on all the conversations in the courtyard

Now the results >:) 

Mostly As: You are the section asshole! And we know you get mostly As, because you won’t shut up about it. But we appreciate the way you bring the rest of the class together by being our common enemy. At least now we know, when the zombie apocalypse hits, who to sacrifice first. We will see what good fluency in Latin does you then  >:) 

Mostly Bs: You are the section savior! You break zoom silences, have your camera on most of the time, and put page numbers in the chat so we can jump there when the professor puts us on the spot. We thank you for your participation so we don’t have to participate. <3

Mostly Cs: You are the section phantom! Camera off. Mic off. Are you really even there or just a figment of my imagination?

Mostly Ds: You are the section socialite! You spend more time engaging with your classmates than the text but at least you keep things entertaining. 

[private message]: hey there ;)))

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