What It’s Like Being a College Roommate Sometimes

Design by Anasthasia Shilov

One time, I am in my roommate’s room. I am

Picking up underwear with by far the most

Retractile finger-pincer you’ve ever seen

In order to minimize surface area contact 

With this particular Calvin Klein.

I look up, to see Ben’s mother see me

In the middle of minimizing surface area,

And on my face the fantasies

Of bursting 5-in-1 Tide Pods into

Her stupid son’s eyes. How about

Turning off FaceTime while I’m naked.

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