One time, I am in my roommate’s room. I am
Picking up underwear with by far the most
Retractile finger-pincer you’ve ever seen
In order to minimize surface area contact
With this particular Calvin Klein.
I look up, to see Ben’s mother see me
In the middle of minimizing surface area,
And on my face the fantasies
Of bursting 5-in-1 Tide Pods into
Her stupid son’s eyes. How about
Turning off FaceTime while I’m naked.