“Will you blink your eyes more? You look like a cartoon character. It’s creepy.”
These are some of the first words spoken by Irina Solomonova upon meeting “the love of her life.”
The concept of Love is Blind continues to baffle and fascinate its viewers. Self-reportedly ready-for-marriage singles date a group of 15 other people for the chance to find true love, unhindered by the bias of physical appearance. Some consider them modern-day philosophers. Others call them foolish. I’m obsessed.
This season has been just as exciting as every other, with key villains like Irina, Micah Lussier, and—this is going to be controversial—Zack Goytowski. Irina got off to a strong villainous start, expressing her disgust for Zack and attempting to steal her “best friend” Micah’s man, Paul. But honestly, I can’t blame the girl. Zack is guilty of sustained, scary eye contact that makes you acutely aware of just how low-cut your top is. As for the “best friend” allegation: can you really make a best friend in two weeks when you’re competing for the same small group of men? This, of course, leads to the bigger question: can you really fall in love in two weeks without seeing the person? But who cares?
Micah, meanwhile, is the perfect mean girl. She’s blonde, bubbly, and rude. As she clinked glasses with the man she brutally dumped for the exceedingly boring Paul, she made a tone-deaf toast: “To failed marriage proposals!” This toast took place at the boozy pool party the producers forced all these incestuous couples to attend just days after dumping each other and getting engaged to other people. That’s right. You see your ex for the first time at a sweaty pool party, replete with revealing bathing suits and strong, strong drinks.
As for Zack, he’s a criminal defense attorney. RED FLAG. He has one of the strangest affects I’ve ever seen on reality TV. RED FLAG. He proposed to Irina, and when that didn’t work out, went crawling back to Bliss Poureetazadi, his other top contender in the pods. RED FLAG. He managed to convince her to get engaged to him. Bliss, what??? RED FLAG. All I know is this: Zack gives slimy vibes, but I’d still hire him as my defense attorney. Despite it all, he managed to persuade a girl he dumped for another girl to accept his proposal.
The best part about Love is Blind is something a lot of prospective audiences don’t realize. They think that the show is about dating without ever seeing the person you might marry. Sure, that’s the first three episodes of every season, but the best part is when the cast members leave their pods and resort vacation as fiances, and must attempt to live together in the real world.
I watched Miss Tiffany absolutely play Brett, setting up a system in which he pays 75 percent of their bills, and trust me, I took notes. I watched Kwame’s mother refuse to give the earnest Chelsea her blessing as Chelsea sat wide-eyed wearing monstrous tassel earrings. I watched my once-favorite couple Marshall and Jackelina as he struggled to meet her high standards for him “as a man.” When she dared him to be “more aggressive,” I’ll admit: I gasped.
So, if you have nothing to do tonight, I beg you, watch Love is Blind, Season 4. The rest of the season drops this week, and I for one need to see this through to the end.
