Flash Reviews: UR MOM

A group of pithy, sincere, and scathing flash reviews from some friendly faces on campus.

Patrick Kho (DC ’24, Herald staff)
Has seven (7) kids. Childbearing badass.

Hilary Griggs (BR ’24)
My mom is very, very good at some things. These include: tracking the paternal bloodlines of baby chicks, understanding what is the right amount of vermouth for a martini, and picking up the phone when I call her. Less importantly, she is not very good at things such as cooking and keeping her eyes on the road when she drives.

Elena Unger (BR ’25, Herald staff):
My mom’s contact name is Big Dawg. Enough said.

Abigail Carpenter (BF ’26)
My mom Heather is one of the best people in the world I think. She’s selfless, sassy, hilarious and honestly, my best friend. I don’t know what I would do without her and I wish that everyone could be lucky enough to have a Heather. 

Zach Morris (BR ’24, Herald staff):
Dream blunt rotation is me and my mommy. My momma so cool that when she walk into a room folks gotta put on a coat. My momma so uplifting that she made Ted Lasso look like that negative fucking dwarf dude. If my mommy were a cereal she would be Lucky Charms ’cuz she birthed me. 

Clarissa Tan (JE ’26)
Though I was unfortunately not born as a nepo baby, I am the exact replica of my mama. She is an independent girlboss, world traveler / potential homeless nomad, stingy “upper middle class,” and the most confident booty-kicking heartwarming lady <3 

Yo update. My mom has ghosted me for a week and life 360 says she’s in Russia but that don’t sound right…in the trenches fr.

Chloe Solomon-Shiffman (SM ’26, Herald staff writer)
Hot take for the fifty-year-old “cool parents” of Grand Street: stop only inviting my mom to stuff! My dad is the coolest guy ever, but you guys keep leaving him out of group invites. Instead, you always ask my mom directly and tell her to “just bring Steve,” like my dad can’t G-cal a hangout by himself. It’s a little bit sexist and it makes him sad.

Dad: I love you. I’ll always invite you first.

Tyler Watts (GH ’25, Herald staff):
oh, my creator!
she had me at forty-two
we are like friends now

Victor Attah (DC ’25, Herald staff)
My mom—a mighty, magical, & marvelous master of motherhood.

Etai Smotrich-Barr (DC ’25, Herald staff)
Ma: great eye for knowing if clementines will be good, less judgy than she could be. Three stars (Michelin scale).

Ollie Van Spaendonck (BR ’24)
My mom is the best. She’s like a batch of fresh cookies, a fountain of wisdom, a being of unconditional love and a villain when it comes to finding the TV remote—all in one.

Maude Lechner (BK ’24, Herald staff)
5 Stars

I have been looking for a good mom for like forever!!! I took a chance on this one because I thought it looked really gorgeous and funny, but it actually turned out so much better than I ever could have imagined! She really loves pugs and knitting—which is amazing because I like those things, too! I’m even planning on giving this mom to my future child as a grandmom. The durability of this mom is insane.

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