“Wise Wasian Women Give You Life Advice” is a biweekly column by Irene Kim and Josephine Buruma, where they review—and advise on—the many troubles of first second-year life. Read to reminisce, commiserate, and seek enlightenment. Reach out to them with your issues, qualms, and general maladies at irene.kim.irk24@yale.edu and josephine.buruma@yale.edu!
Dracula in earnest… It was love at first fright at Sig Chi Halloween last year. He was dressed as a vampire—teeth, blood, cape, the whole shabang—and despite the slight lisp from his fake fangs, when he first said, “You’re so cute I could take a bite,” I was totally smitten. We were forced apart by a near-crowd crush but not before he saved my number in his phone as “sexy clown from It.” We texted on-and-off throughout the next week, and I was horrified to discover at our next face-to-face meeting that his vampire get-up was not, in fact, a costume, but simply how he dresses in his daily life. What’s more: he seems to believe that he truly is a folkloric undead creature and makes constant and unsettling references to the suppleness of my flesh. It’s been a year and I still have yet to cut him out of my life completely—I’m beginning to wonder whether he might be my only prospect on this campus. In other words: do I settle for the vampire?
Do not let the vampiric YA romance novels of our youth fool you! We say: nothing good can come of pursuing this Transylvanian apparition. He is not the Edward Cullen of your wildest fantasies but an amalgamation of all the worst qualities of the Yale male populace (feeding off of innocent women… appearing at nightfall and ghosting upon daybreak… any of this sound familiar?) Honestly, he would probably be less scary if he really was a vampire.
An error in judgement… My best friend (M20) and I (F20) were Harry and Sally for Halloween 2025 and I still haven’t managed to debunk all of the couple allegations that our duo costume incurred. All either of us wanted was to wear cute 90s fisherman sweaters—not to mention that my best friend is an openly gay man. How to settle this once and for all?
We suggest you assert your singledom with verve this year. Sexy cat, Playboy Bunny (but for the love of god without a Hugh Hefner), and other such eroticized animals—the options are endless and we insist you take no prisoners. And if you really feel unable to divorce yourself from the familiar confines of the couple’s costume, perhaps consider a Han and Chewbacca, and we’ll leave you to discuss who’s who.
On the chopping block… Five friends and I have had a group costume planned for the past few months, but recently a seventh member has entered the equation. She’s proven herself a great addition to the friend group, so much so that we would feel guilty excluding her from the costume entirely. But there are only so many My Little Ponies… How to balance costume accuracy whilst preserving the delicate ties of female friendship?
We understand that ever-present urge to preserve the holy integrity of the planned Halloween costume. However, we feel that the omission of one member steps beyond the slim mandate that a dedication to looking cute in costume gives us. Instead of using this equine occasion as an opportunity for exclusion, we suggest the exact opposite: maybe she can’t be one of the core six ponies, but weren’t there a couple peripheral dragon characters? Surely she’ll be happy just to be included. Maybe this is the kind of test that all budding friendships require!
Where are the hallow-bells? My suitemate’s obsession with anachronistic Christmas music playing has aroused a desire to not only accurately keep with the holiday season but to make sure my listening habits follow accordingly. Yet, one Spotify search has revealed that little is out there to keep me company on my walks to-and-fro other than Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” and that one monster mash song. What to do? I don’t want to betray the turning of the leaves, but I’m not sure how much more of Jackson’s evil laugh I can take.
We feel you. Who among us would not want to experience the cozying feeling that Nat King Cole’s dulcet tones evoke a month earlier? However, we fear we may be the bringer of bad news: Halloween will never have such feel-good tunes. It is an irrevocably Pagan holiday which lacks the moral backing that provides our yuletide anthems with their warm, fuzzy vibe. #Rememberthat. Anyway, we suggest you lean into this animalistic holiday the way god intended: put down that vinyl, and pick up that scary movie. #Scream.
