Jeremy’s Dating Profile

What’s up, ladieeeeeeees? The name’s Jeremy and I’d love to kiss you. No worries if you don’t want to, though. We could also just turn on some Netflix and hug. I love hugging almost as much.


Anyway, ladies, I really think you should date me. I don’t want to brag, but I am the so-called “perfect package.” I have a great personality, muscles on my arms and my legs, and a voracious appetite for summer squash. What more could you want in a man?


In addition, ladies, I am very, very manly. I am so manly that sometimes I take off my shirt in the bathroom, bang my fists on my bare chest, and roar. I am so manly that I take my protein powder up the nose. I am so manly that this one time, I sipped three whole beers in less than an hour. I may not have finished the last one, but I got pretty darn close. That’s all in 60 minutes! You could call me a savage, ladies. Or you could just call me Jeremy—totally up to you!


Also, ladies, good news: I’m a feminist! That’s right; the rumors are true. I have so much respect for women, in fact my biggest pet peeve is when women put other women down. Come on, ladies, whatever happened to sisterhood? I just think it’s so darn sexy when a woman is passionate about something. You heard that right, ladies… I fetishize female ambition!


In conclusion, ladies, you should be my girlfriend because I am muscular, sexy, fun, delicious, respectful, sexy, and really good at drinking beer(s). I also have a lot of really great and cool interests like going on dates, getting my muscles bigger in the gym, and ladies. Please feel free to reach out anytime!


I love you all so fucking much it hurts,


Leave a Reply