Top Five Ways to Break Up With Someone on Valentine’s Day

5. Write Them A Love Letter: Well, not exactly a “love” letter per se, more of a “there are plenty of fish in the sea and I want to bang your roommate” letter. It’s classy. It’s cute.

4. Take your partner on a coffee date: If you stay long enough, the shit will start to pour out, in more ways than you can imagine. By the three hour mark your date will be so covered in shit they’ll break up with you!

3. Go see 50 Shades Freed: Except in this screening, you are 50 shades, and if you can make it out the front door before the opening credits because you tied your partner to a lawn chair, you are freed! Hit the roommate up after for some steamy love making.

2. Propose: That you see other people. So romantic! Will freak them out.

1. Buy them an Edible Arrangement: But the chocolate-covered strawberries are arranged in the shape of a middle finger. Fuck them! And fuck the roommate!

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