The Earth Day Instagram

Illustration by Simone Eligon

Earth Day is my favorite Instagram holiday. 

I don’t think anyone in the real world celebrates Earth Day. Well, I guess The Herald does. And big business does, too. I love an Earth Day sale where they donate like 1% of profits to a tree or something… I think it does a lot for the Earth when I buy another pair of Patagonia shorts I won’t wear because they give 1% to the planet. 

I always know it’s Earth Day because by 8 a.m. there are at least 12 nature-themed posts or stories in my Instagram feed.

There are a few great ways to celebrate Earth Day;

  1. Post about your vacations. I think this is the most common and important way to celebrate ED (ED for the purposes of this article means Earth Day, not erectile dysfunction—there are certainly ways to celebrate that which I cannot get into at this time). If you have vacationed somewhere that looks remotely natural, you are welcome to celebrate Earth Day with an Instagram post. You should post about the time you went to the Four Seasons in Hawaii. Did you go to that Blue Lagoon in Iceland or whatever? Obviously no one wants to see it, but ED gives you the perfect opportunity to signal your wealth and love of resorts. Absolute bonus points if you find a way to include a bikini/beach pic. You should probably post in feed, not just story. This way the benefits of posting about ED (clout, validation, etc.) can be more long-lasting. Google results for “best earth day ig captions” were inconclusive. Caption can be stupid. “Happy Earth Day,” “I love this planet,” or better, “Love my Dear Mother Nature”…Which brings us to the next way to celebrate:
  2. Pretend you have a uniquely intimate relationship with the Earth. I am still trying to understand how this works, but I’ve noticed that some ED posts almost make me… jealous? Jealous that other people might have a better relationship with the planet than I do. It could be true. Unfortunately, I must admit that I have littered. But I can sleep well at night knowing everyone is feeling the same gravity. As corny as it sounds, it’s true! No matter how special anyone’s relationship with the Earth, Mother Nature isn’t holding anyone tighter than anyone else. Humble yourself!
  3. Finally, you could talk about protecting the Earth. Hmmm this one is interesting… Do you actually care? More importantly, what do you gain from telling other people that you care? Not as much as posting pictures from resorts and showing people everywhere you’ve been! Obviously I think protecting the Earth matters, but why worry about that when you’re focused on posting on narcissism.com? Keep the narcissism casual and the environmental activism serious. 
  4. Oh wait, I forgot that you could also repost that Instagram account that’s like “we will plant a tree for every 10 shares.” You could story their post and tell everyone to do the same. This way you can be condescending to your Internet friends, while also possibly bringing a new tree to life. But also…. have we checked in on that? Were we lied to? Where are the Instagram trees? Have they been planted? If so, where? Can I visit? Can I pretend that I will plant trees if people repost my content? 

Happy Earth Day and happy posting. 

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