Cuffed and Costumed 

Design by Sara Offer

Ah yes, it’s officially October. Target is practically restraining its staff from putting out Christmas lights. Your seasonal depression has made a not-so-gentle reappearance, and—best of all—Halloween is right around the corner! 

So how does one plan for the four-day dress-up extravaganza that is Halloweekend? The balancing act of being witty, sexy, and keeping warm in the New England cold is enough to deter anyone from wanting to put energy into coming up with a costume. What’s worse, things can become all the more complicated when factoring in your significant other. We are, after all, in the midst of what has been referred to by Twitter and TikTok alike as “cuffing season.” But don’t fret, I have come up with the perfect costume ideas for any duo.

1. Ronald Reagan and Mikhail Gorbachev

Hear me out: this is classic enemies to lovers. Been on the outs with your beau recently? This is the clear choice. You two can spend the entire night not talking—call it your peace agreement. You’re just SUPER committed to the character, and it would be in the best interest of NO ONE for you two to engage in an active conversation—let alone a war. Borrow a suit from someone in a consulting group or frat on campus (the Venn diagram between the two is just a circle), and make sure whoever is Gorbachev gets a bald cap and a silver-Sharpied receding hairline. You’ll be the most nuclear duo at the function (and there’ll be plenty of excitement for the post-party missile pact).  

2. Bojack Horseman and Diane Nyugen

Now picture this: the person you thought you’ve been in a casual relationship with for three weeks wants to take things to the next level. You obviously were not briefed that the shirt they gave you to wear on your walk of shame through Cross Campus was a symbol of commitment. But hey, it’s nice to have someone care about you… right? Although Diane and Bojack never got together, there was always palpable tension between them—perfect for any tumultuous relationship. This costume may also be very appealing if you are not interested in being seen in public together. No one will ever recognize you! 

3. The Grady Twins from The Shining

If someone has ever threatened to put you and your beloved on @siblingsordating, this is the costume for you! If your identical hair and eye colors weren’t enough, you will continue to fool everyone in your matching pale-blue dresses and black ballet flats. Prior to your debut, practice your best in-sync “Come play with us” (but if you two are as synchronized mentally as it appears you are physically, this should be no issue). 

Honorable mentions:

Handsome Dan & Heidi the Service Dog: Ditch sexy mouse and sexy cat– this year’s hottest costume is sexy university dogs (bonus points if you get another couple to be your handlers).

Rose, Bud, & Thorn: Ideal for the codependent couple, and their ever-present third wheel.

War & Peace: Almost like Yoko and John, but more… abstract? Do Tolstoy justice. Good luck, and happy costuming!

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