You know it. You love it. You just don’t know what to call it.
A few years ago, the Herald published an article rating sex euphemisms. All our respect to author Noah Bradley, ’25—“Jeffery Toobin’ it” is a great original composition—but that list is nowhere near comprehensive. Neither is this one, frankly, but hey. Keep ‘em wanting more.
The terms below are named, briefly defined, and exemplified. If a verb, the term is given in the active, collaborative sense; if a noun, the term is simply listed; and, if a phrase, we’ve opted to present it in its funniest form. We’ve split them into useful categories: Good Clean Fun, for public use; Classics, for slightly-less-public use; Hoity-Toities, for use in Polite Society™, Teehees, for your silly cartoon sexual needs; Ye Olde Ones, for use if you ever take a time machine, and Please Never Ever Ever Use These, for words that are gross and bad but unfortunately enough a part of the culture that we must include them in this serious academic endeavor. Bookmark this tab for future use.
.
Good Clean Fun
Having Sex (v.) ~ The baseline, the foundation from which these others are born, and thus a bit basic. Geoff and Janice met at the party, flirted all night, then went back to Janice’s place and had sex.
Getting With (v.) ~ Gossipy, flirtatious, temporary. The sort of wink you’d give to someone you’re telling a secret in order to get more intimate. “Oh, you know Patricio? You know he got with Maggie last week, right? Right, I know, isn’t that crazy,” Daniel said, hand on his chin, to Jonah at the bar.
Sleeping With (v.) ~ The more adult version of “getting with,” for adults with adult jobs and adult bills and no other adult locked down. Sam and Ted stood at the watercooler and talked, a little tensely, about how they’d slept together last night.
Getting Laid (v.) ~ Somehow somewhere between “getting with” and “sleeping with,” and also used in more vulgar contexts. Hedonistic, if you will. “Yeah, I got laid last night,” Ella said. Her friend responded, “Did the other person, too?”
Sexing (v.) ~ When “fucking” is too aggressive and “making love” is too pretentious, “sexing” is required. “My wife and I, um, well, when we, uh, when we, uh, sex together, it, uh . . .” says Jonah, seeing his first sex therapist.
Getting Your Rocks Off (v.) ~ For the ones with the loose-hanging balls. “Honey, careful to not get your rocks off.”
Doin’ It (v.) ~ Simple, classic. A little evasive. “Uh, you wanna just do it?” Daniel asked. “Let’s do it,” Jonah said. And from that mutual doing, Nike was born.
Making Love (v.) ~ Sensual, romantic, said primarily by men in their thirties with small mustaches in late-night coffeeshops. “Sexual culture’s gotten out of hand. What ever happened to making love?”
Classics
Doin’ the Nasty (v.) ~ Best used for circumstances including docking, golden showers, Cleveland steamers, and the like. “Yeah, we did the nasty last night,” said the man with the thin blonde moustache wiggling his eyebrows.
Fucking (v.) ~ A rabid and rabbit-like transaction of pleasure, rhythmic and moan-punctuated. Artless but direct. “Quit playing eye tag; let’s fuck.”
Fuckin’ (v.) ~ Direct but casual. The kind of word you can throw around with friends. “How are things going with your new man, Samantha?” Gabriella asked. “We’re just fucking, you know,” responded Samantha.
Fricking (v.) ~ Reserved exclusively for the kind of online relationship where both consenting parties have a Reddit accent. Usually deployed on fights over Discord. “No, pookie, don’t cry, pookie. I witerally love fricking you, pookie.”
Bangin’ (v.) ~ Making a loud noise, or having sex if you’re in circa 2005. Yearnful, almost a plea. “Did Barney and Robin bang yet in How I Met Your Mother?”
Nailin’ (v.) ~ Like a hammer with a well-aimed peen heading straight for a single small point. Men often think they’ve nailed it, but these claims cannot be verified.
Dogging (v.) ~ Woof woof. “Wow,” he says that morning from inside the bathroom, “all that dogging last night really makes me feel like I’m pooping in alignment with Earth’s magnetic field!”
Shagging (Austin Powers voice) (v.) ~ Reserved for when Austin Powers is having sex with your mom. “Nooooooooooooooo Austin Powers is shagging (Austin Powers voice) my mom noooooooooooooooooo.”
The Hoity-Toities
The Conjugal Act (n.) ~ Distinguished and refined, for use amongst proper company, perhaps over tea. “Oh, indeed Mr. Merriweather, upon the eve of our merry nuptials my wife and I did The Conjugal Act.”
Coitus (n.) ~ What Sheldon Cooper says in place of sex. “I very much enjoyed this coitus we just engaged in! Bazinga!”
Copulation (n.) ~ What Sheldon Cooper says in place of sex. “I very much enjoyed this copulation we just engaged in! Bazinga!”
Fornication (n.) ~ What Sheldon Cooper says in place of sex. “I very much enjoyed this fornication we just engaged in! Bazinga!”
Canoodling (v.) ~ Annoyingly-in-love people cuddling and caressing, often referring to public displays. “Did you see that couple straight-up canoodling at the Elm yesterday?”
Hanky-panky (n.) ~ An corny-horny end rhyme for when things get naughty. “Remember: No hanky-panky in the backseat!”
Dalliance (n.) ~ Great for politicians. Great for euphemistic denial. “I did not have a momentary dalliance with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.”
Knowing (in the biblical sense) (v.) ~ When you’re Adam and you’re having sex. “Lmaoooo I’m the Biblical Adam and I’m knowing your mom lmaooooo.”
Making Whoopee (v.) ~ For when you’re having a jolly good time! Carol is in a good mood because she made whoopee last night!
Teehee
Boinking (v.) ~ The word parents use to describe sex to you, even when you’re an adult. “Oh my gosh, Jen, you’re not boinking him, are you?!” “Yes, mom, he’s my husband.”
Doinking (v.) ~ This term is reserved for only cartoon characters. However, it also works in the human form if both parties are in overalls. “Can you believe Doofenshmirtz and Bob the Builder were doinking in the stacks the other afternoon?!”
Bonking (v.) ~ What a British redneck says to the Galway Girl. “Let’s have a beer and a good bonk tonight.”
Buffing (v.) ~ What a posh British asshole says to the Galway Girl. “Oh, oh-oh-ho, let us have a champagne and a good ol’ buff tonight, shall we now?”
Slap n’ Tickle (n.) ~ Two innocent fun good things ruined by dirty, dirty minds. Used mostly by clowns. Don’t put Pennywise and Ronald McDonald in a room together, or it’ll be slapping and tickling all night.
A Spot of Rompy Pompy (n.) ~ Only for use upon a waterbed, a trampoline, or a giant mushroom. “Toad and Toadette can’t come to the phone right now, they’re having a spot of rompy-pompy. Leave a message after the tone!”
Ye Olde Ones
A Roll in the Hay (n.) ~ How they do it in Texas. Or Oklahoma. Or Iowa. They had a roll in the hay next to the cows in the cornfield.
Getting in the Sack (v.) ~ Not to be confused with getting kidnapped. Or getting fired from a job. Tom came home early from the office because he got sacked, but then he got saaaaaaaacked.
Knocking Boots (v.) ~ Yeehaw! Woah there partner, don’t go knocking boots!
Bumping Uglies (v.) ~ Hey! Don’t call ‘em uglies. Have some self-love. We’re not bumping uglies, we’re bumping gorgs.
Making the Beast with Two Backs (v.) ~ Attempting in vain to return to the primordial being imagined by Aristophanes: four arms, four legs, and two sets of genitals. I tried dating a Classics major but got skeezed out when he said he wanted to make the beast with two backs.
Going Halvsies on a Bastard (v.) ~ I know it’s a 50/50 world. Split the bill. Halve the check. But don’t go halvsies on a bastard—have protected sex, folks. Rawdogging can often lead to going halvies on a bastard.
Goin’ Dahntahn Till Sunup (v.) ~ A middle-aged yinzer and a hottie walk into a bar. “Ayyy, toots, let’s get outta here, go dahntahn til sunup. Comeonnnnn.”
Getting Your Leg Over (v.) ~ When you’re a fence, and you’re having sex. I’m tryin’ to get my leg over but it’s so, so hard.
Please Never Ever Ever Use These
Pushing In (v.) ~ The opposite of pulling out. Me at the Yale gates: “KEEP PUSHING IN!”
Dicking Down (v.) ~ For when one’s deprived at the eleventh hour. Skyler’s so stressed she’s pooping diamonds. They need to be dicked down good.
Porking (v.) ~ This word is only for the fleshiest, ickiest people you know. Oink oink. God, I can’t believe I walked in on my roommate porking that girl. He doesn’t even wear shoes to the shower!
Ploughing (v.) ~ For playboy farmers. “Hey, Tommy, how are the yields this year?” “Definitely up from last season. I ploughed a record-number of brunettes.”
Layin’ Pipe (v.) ~ The term of choice for rough trade, be they a plumber, a steamfitter, or a Mario Brother. “Girl, you’d have thought he was a member of Local Union 777 the way he was layin’ pipe last night.”
Merging Lanes (n.) ~ Not to be confused with Changing Lanes (“devoted to helping people of all ages find freedom in Biblical sexual integrity by providing support and restoration”). Funny how all the members of Changing Lanes started merging lanes after a few meetings.
Touching Fronts (n.) ~ A deep, quiet connection. We held hands and touched fronts.
Polishing the Bayonet (n.) ~ You’re a British soldier in the Revolutionary War, and you’re having sex. “I’m a British soldier in the Revolutionary War, and I’m polishing the bayonet on your mom lmaoooooooo.”
Cracking (v.) ~ The anticipatory tension has come to a head, and there’s nothing left to do but crack, break, fracture. “Did Elphaba and Fiyero crack yet?”
.
We hope you learned something. If you have any questions, or suggestions for later editions, please contact the sexperts at The Yale Herald. We’ll give you what you need.
