Topping our list is the humble but incredibly powerful spoon.
The sheer versatility of the spoon is unmatched. Hot drinks? Rice? Oatmeal? Cereal? Soup?* Steak, if you’re persistent? Hard-shell tacos? Just use a spoon!
Oh? What’s that? “What about the spork?” you say? Frankly, the spork is inferior in every regard to the spoon. Sure, you can stab things easily with a spork, and thus pick them up with a tad more convenience. Perhaps. But consider this: the spoon gently cradles your food, guiding it into your mouth as an equal, not as a conqueror. Come on people, appreciate your food! Plus, have you ever tried eating ice cream with a spork? I haven’t. But I do imagine that it’s less comfortable because of the tines.
Spoons are also extremely majestic. Most people initially think of knives as the elegant utensil, but in reality spoons deserve higher regard. Just look at your reflection in a spoon—it’s so funny and upside down! If you look at your reflection in a knife all the time, you’ll end up thinking you’re much cooler than you actually are.
Finally, spoons are bold. Everyone thinks you need a knife out in the real world, but in reality? You need a spoon. You can dig your way out of prison, and then you can spend the rest of your life making fabulous ice sculptures (with your spoon, of course)! You can use a spoon as a weapon once sharpened (or dull if you’re really strong). If you stab someone with a knife, no one will really care. Plenty of people have used knives as stab-delivery instruments. You’re not special. But a spoon? If you stab someone with a spoon, people will remember you, and they will fear you. Happy scooping!